And so it begins...

I keep trying to make it to the store to buy a cute journal to write down all my prego thoughts and concerns. Then I realized... how much I hate hand writing things. So this blog now turns into the prego journal that we can look back on some day.

Sometime in mid Aug (i'm thinking it was the 14th) BJ and I went to the temple. I remember having the feeling I was prego again. I was so worried. BJ tried to comfort me but I just didn't know what I would do if I had to go throught all the pain and guilt again. But yet I so wanted to be pregnant and have everything work out!!!I tried not to think about.

Then started the non stop werid feelings. I am a healthy person. I always have been. But now my stomach was always doing something weird and I was always aware of it. Not queasy or pain, but aware of my inner body. Something that made my mind wonder.

Then come the last week of Aug. I always help get the lunch together and take it to the kids. We had fresh cooked mushrooms that day and as soon as I pulled off the tinfoil I gagged. I couldn't stand the smell. I fled from the room and had to covor my nose to take the kids their meal. The rest of that week me and meat were not friends. I mostly ate fruit. That was the only thing that sound good to me.

While working with my students on their pregnancy packet, I thought about a pee test. I didn't know if it would even be time to pee on the stick but thought maybe I should try. I counted the days since I thought it happend (Aug 13th) and realized it would be enough days to get a real result. I then decided I wasn't going to test. I didn't want to know anything until October.

BJ and I were out doing our weekly visits when I finally said, OK stop at CVS we are getting a pee test. Bewildered, BJ pulled in. That was about September 8th. We got home and I had to go so I ran to the bathroom. It says to wait at least 3 mins to get a result. I got it in about 5 secs. I showed BJ and we just kind of sat there. I left the pee stick on the bathtub for the rest of week. I wasn't sure if I should make an appointment or wait it out. I decided I was going to keep my plan and wait until October. Then that Monday I didn't go into work. Lots had been going on so I stayed home and did homework. I thought well its better to be safe then sorry, so I made an appointment.

September 15 I walked in the office and filled out a pregnancy questionarie. I couldn't believe they were having me feel all this out just cuz of postivite pee stick. I kept thinking they would treat me differently with the recent miscarriage and all. I waited til the let me pee and waited for my Dr to come in. I just thought they would a pee test and make me give some blood. She suprised me when she whisked me off to the ultra sound room. I was very timed and praying the while time and too nervous to really show any emotion. As soon as I saw the heart beating I just wanted to watch it the rest of the day. As the doctor talked to me I just kind of sat there with no emotion showing. Then I walked out the door and the biggest smile ever was on my face. I couldn't wait to go to BJ's office and show him. I also was extra senstive about driving all of a sudden. As soon as I got the office I waited to see if he was there and walked back to him. Sitting there showing him and telling him what happened was by far the sweetest experience I've had since the day we got sealed.

The very next day changed my world as I know it. I woke up and felt great then BAM queasy! Nothing but queasy!!! and soo tired. I could function but if I laid down I was out. I take at least 1 nap every day (sometimes 2 on the weekend) and am in bed by 10. I sleep in as late as I can. I now eat little at each meal and snacks through out the day. I smell the most random things and some smell automaticly make me gag. If I'm up walking around and doing a lot the queasier I am. If I sit in the up right postion and read I get queasy. If I lay down and read I'm lucky if I make it 3 pages before my eyes start to close. Not good when I have 6 textbook to read each week. I'm super clingly to my husband. I get asked every 5 mins how i'm feeling from him. I try and tell him all that i'm feeling so he feels apart of it.

All in all I'm loving this. Yeah it sucks majorly and I just want to sit on my butt all day and junk food grosses me out as do most foods unless its been 3 hours then I know i'm going to eat so I can have my 10 mins of wonderfulness. I can't wait until my next appointment and we both get to see whats going on inside. Its amazing how differently I already do things because I want the best for this child. All my books say that once people become parents things change and the grow a lot! Even if they don't want too. I'm starting to understand lots of things that you just don't get until you live it. =]